Yesterday it crept on me. Like a cold wind swirling up my spine, and as it hits my brain a faucet turned on, the sobbing began. February 3, 2010 was the day my life as I knew it changed forever.

I had fallen back in December - a hard fall. The hospital and the doctors did not find anything. I went on my merry way, but day after day my pain got a little bit worse. Nothing the physical therapist did was helping. I started out "walking on the desks" where as I'd go up and down the aisles of my classroom, I'd use the children's desks to support me. Soon, I had to bring out my cane. I needed more support, especially going into the hallway. After winter break, I had to bring out the big guns - the walker. I needed even more stability.  Then February 3 rolled around. A day as usual, using the walker, teaching the kids. The last hour of the day arrived. The children were particularly hyped. I had taught the lesson, and their were to be working with partners on the assignment when I noticed a boy up front agitated about his partner.  I moved toward them when I saw what was happening was that the partner had a blade of some sort in his hand and was lunging it toward the boy's arms. Scratching the desk as the boy luckily got away from the threat.

I must have uttered something, probably OMG, and the partner jumped up and headed toward the door. Without thinking I just took off after him, my walker not in hand. As I went up that aisle, I felt something happen in my left upper leg. I can not put a word to the feeling except maybe "weird". Yeah, it felt weird. It did not hurt, as it happened... I just noticed "something" happened.  I went back to settling the kids, and the day shortly ended.

When I got up to release the students, however, that "weird" feeling started to pain me. As I walked with the students as they filed out the classroom, that pain became more and more worrisome.  After the students were all bundled up and out the building, I went to my computer to do some grading. I could feel the pain, now, just as I was sitting. I called Stephen to tell him about the pain. He reminded me that I was to stop at Sam's Club to pick up the cheesecake treats for dog training that night. We were celebrating a great win our BellaRose, who is our sweet girl Samoyed, had the previous weekend with our friends at the kennel club. I signed off the computer and headed to the car. With each step that pain worsened. I got to Sam's Club, took the walker out to help me get to a cart. Folded the walker and  placed it in the cart and headed straight back to the frozen foods to get the frozen treats. For me to go straight back showed how much pain I must have been in for I did not look left or right as I stayed on course for the frozen foods. I grabbed the box, turned the cart around, eyes set on the cash registers. I could barely get my left leg to move. The pain was getting unbearable. The cashier saw it in my eyes, and asked if there was anyway she could help. "No," I said, my car is right out front. I just need to get to my car." Several people stopped and asked how they could help, but all I could think is, "Let me get to my car."  And I finally got there. I took the walker and cheesecake out of the cart up by the front of the car. I managed my way back to the side door and put in my things.  Closed the door.... and there it was, just a few inches from me... the driver's door.  I could no longer move. I was dragged myself to the handle and got the door open, but now I had to move in closer to get into the seat...and I could not do it. In tears, sobbing, straining, I COULD NOT MOVE even those few inches.  A woman was passing by and asked how she could help, ad this time I took the favor. "Please, can you help me get into my car?" She was able to help me up toward the seat. My right leg was able to hoist me, while the woman helped bring my left leg in. 

"Will you be able to drive?" she questioned me with a very concerned look.

"I just need to get to my husband, he is just down the road at the kennel club," I said focusing my next step to get me home and out of this pain. I pulled off, like a robot. I no longer could think. I was going forward, toward the goal, just get me there, I prayed.

Before I left Sam's Club's parking lot, I called Stephen. Told him how much pain I was in and on my way. When I got to the Expo Center where the dog training was, Stephen came out the door with Sandy, our male prince's breeder. I was sobbing, "I don't know what's wrong with me!!" Now everyone is in front of my car door telling me to go to the hospital. I hadn't even thought about the hospital for emergency rooms have never worked for me. Heck, on the hardest fall of my life, they just x-rayed me and sent me on my merry way. I just could not see how a hospital could help me, but to give me pain meds and send me on my way.

We decided I should go to our Oconomowoc house that was closer. I put the car on auto-pilot while Stephen followed me home. I pulled into the driveway, put the car in neutral, and just broke down in fear. I was crying uncontrolably. Stephen stood at the driver's side door, dogs on leash. I rolled down my window and he asked,"What are you going to do?"

I kept saying," I don't know what to do," over and over again. It was as if those were the only words I could muster out of my brain. Stephen got fed up and decided to take the dogs into the house. Annelore came out. She jumped in the passenger seat and just listened. I slowly became to realize that there wasn't any way that I would be able to get into the house. Even if I could make it to the stoop, no way would I be able to make it up the step... and certainly not upstairs to the bedroom. Now, the decision was which hospital to go to....

I was told it had to be my back, in January when I saw my orthopaedic surgeon. The spine doctor was more than happy to take the blame. I was sent to physical therapy and basically told, "Come back again when you are ready for surgery." It was thought my leg issues had to be caused by a pinched nerve. So now, do I go to Froedert Hospital because that is where the spine doctor is??? Do I go to St. Luke's where my orthopaedic surgeon is???  Or do I drive around the corner to Oconomowoc Memorial Hospital??? I was all jumbled up.

Time was ticking and it was going on 11pm. Hours of sitting in the car crying. Stephen came back and took the passenger seat. I went over all my thoughts with him and it became clearer that I might as well just go around the corner than to drive 30 miles to the other hospitals. So I put the car in reverse, and down the driveway I went with my mind made up.... or was it?  I got to the corner of hwy 67 and I still had to ask myself, "Do I turn left or should I turn right and go to 94?" The light turned green and I let God direct my turn and left it was. I was on my short drive to Oconomowoc Hospital.

I got there and Stephen ran in to tell them the problem. Two big men came out with a couple women. I just could not let myself out of the car. The pain was too great. One of the big guys just reached into the car, wrapped his arms around me as I   S C R E A M E D in torturing pain! He got me in that wheelchair. My body wrenching in pain I entered the emergency. They took me back to a room and now I was to get up in the bed. I just looked at those big guys again, with tears running down my cheeks. I knew what would happen next, and it wouldn't be pretty. I had hit pain level 10. I felt as if I would pass out. I would have welcomed it....but no, I had to live it. Not even childbearing put me to that level.

The rest of the days were a blur, probably due to a lot of pain medication. I know they worked with me to try to walk, but it was not going very well. The day they forced me to take a step up, the number 10 pain shot through me again. So, it was decided I had to go to a rehab facility.

My great insurance allowed me to go to the Cadillac of rehabs, Wisconsin Rehabilitation Hospital. It is a wonderful place. Their focus is to work you intensely to get you home quickly. Exercise all day, breaking only for lunch. The doctors, nurses, pt people.... everyone very positive and effective. My time there was drawing to a close. Three weeks of being in this extremely expensive facility was adding up. Insurance was pushing them to make a decision. Everyone thought I was ready to go home. I could work on the rest of the therapy as an out patient.

It was a Friday, a beautiful day at the end of February, my daughter Krystal picked me up from the hospital. Her car filled to the rim with all my accumulated things, I was moving out. I got home. Annelore was there to greet me. Stephen was off to Virginia to get me his father's electric wheelchair. The thought was I could go back to work using that chair. I was anxious to get back to my kids. I missed them greatly, but I knew I needed to be faster than them... and that they knew that I could. My manual wheelchair just wouldn't do.

Annelore and I set out to fix me up on the downstairs futon. I managed to clean up the place with her help all from the wheel chair. We got the place looking good enough to invite my parents over Sunday, them bringing dinner. Things were going well.  Mom asked how much walking I had been doing, afraid I was too complacent in the wheel chair. I agreed that "tomorrow" I would get up and practice walking, and I did.

Monday morning came and I still had energy after getting myself washed up and dressed. I got up and took the walker and  went into the kitchen to start lunch. Annelore would be coming home for her break, and I wanted to be prepared. The visiting nurse would be arriving at noon to teach Annelore how to do the iv.

Annelore came shortly before noon.  The nurse came promptly at noon. I met her at the door, walking. We celebrated my accomplishments, as we waited for the antibiotic to fuse in. The plan for the day was Annelore would help me into the car, I was going to drive to Milwaukee and pick up Stephen at the VA. Then the two of us were going to my school to set it up for teaching with me in my electric wheelchair. I was excited! Tomorrow I was to go back to school.

The nurse finished up with me and headed out the door. It was time for Annelore to head back to work, so she got my coat. I tried to get out of the wheelchair. I could not stand. The horrendous pain was back, and with a vengeance. What the ???? I had just been up, no pain at all, working in the kitchen just a few hours before. I had to give up, Annelore was late by this point. I took my phone and sadly called Stephen to say I wasn't coming.  Even more sadly, I had to call my school and tell them I had a back slide, and would need to take a little longer to get back. I felt horrible. The kids would have been told I would be back on Tuesday, and I was not there.

As the night progressed, I stayed in the wheelchair. It came time to get ready for bed, and I still could not get myself out of the wheelchair. I tried and tried, and the pain was too much for me to handle. Stephen had to place me into the futon bed and bring me a bedpan. I could not even use the toilet. I was convinced all I needed was some sleep...some rest lying down, and I would be alright in the morning.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>



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